Eid Mubarak 1439H. 

May Allah accept it from us.

 

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Resign

I’ve come to resign to the fact that people are always a disappointment to me. Well, not always, but sometimes. I now know of my overbearing actions that push people away from my sphere, and I am slowly, and slowly realising that sometimes the need for attention from people around you is not the best for the soul. Silence is a companion that never betrays, I once reminded myself.

I want to let that moment in time a few weeks back come settle again when nonchalance stopped by in my life. It calmed my nerves into needing to be with people. and that moment of detachment was pure bliss; I began to enjoy my solitude again.

I’ve always been in this dilemma of deleting my social media, and to be deactivating facebook and instagram brought about elation which I never felt for a long time. Silence is a companion that never betrays.

I asked Allah to show me the truth twice of what’s happening in my life, of love and its unruly friend, despair. Allah, in His Infinite Wisdom granted me my dua’ and He let me see in front of my very own eyes the reality of things. The matters unfold in the most elegant and subtle of ways, according to His Time and Wisdom. Thank You Ya Allah for protecting me from my own destruction.

Sometimes, what you deem is good for you may not be in your best interest. So keep worshipping Allah. He will give you the best.

How are you?

How are you?

It’s been a while since I’ve last updated any content here.

There are many things going on in life, and I am trying to register my thoughts and fashion them accordingly so that it can be put as a whole image in front of my eyes; I am trying to align my life according to the system I’ve implemented somewhere online. But I’ll come back to that again later.

Anyway a lot has happened for the past few weeks. I’ve learnt new mental models, developed a system for running again, something I’ve delayed for the past couple of years. It’s still in its initial phase, so the system is still trying to cooperate with my body and mind and heart. Also I’ve reached a quarter century of life on earth, Alhamdulillah.

At this age I begin to realise many new things. Of them are values and principles which I believe many have understood at a reasonably sound age. I am only coming to terms of such words, and I can see how far I am lagging behind in life, far away from my peers who are doing well.

At twenty five my father got married. At twenty five I am struggling to stand up for myself and get a life. There’s a gap I am trying to cover, so playing catch up is a bit tiring, but that’s okay since an easy life begets a normal life, and I’m beginning to come to terms, how a life that is peppered with hardships is more meaningful than a life of comfort. I’ve experienced a life of comfort, and in reality, it’s destroyed me. But I don’t want to blame Allah ‘Azza Wa Jal for the mess in my life. In fact I am thankful He has given me these trials for I see them as a blessing in disguise. I have good thoughts of Him, and that He giving me these hardships so that I may not stay still in life, and that I need to move in order to make life happen.

I miss writing here, probably because I write about my relationship with Allah; I write about how I’m trying to overcome my struggles and connect them back to Him. I need more of that actually. I should do that on my new blog.

I hope to launch it soon; it’s been up and running since week 1. It’s week 14 and I will have to change my way of doing things from now on. Put simply, the new blog is supposed to be more organized and systematic. The ongoing challenge to write a post for 52 weeks is going good so far and I hope I get to complete this challenge. It’s making me pay attention to my life and how I’m going about it.

Until then, I need to connect back to the Qur’an and Sunnah; these words seem estranged to me these days. O Allah, help me to worship You and remember You and give thanks to You. Aameen.

 

Moving forward…

IMG_20161222_000042_727Today marks the supposedly 7 years of theyellowglass. Supposedly because, there was a hiatus, and then the deletion of the original wordpress blog, but the spirit of writing was there despite the turmoil.

Well, I’m only here now and then because I know not many know of my presence here, that I get to keep my true identity hidden. That’s a blessing anyway, I don’t like the crowds. And that I get to write without any feeling of judgment being placed on me.

But, I’m just going to keep on learning.

 

 

Ciao.

Leaves me wandering and wondering…

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I’m not as enthralled as when I’m connected with nature. Inside the woods and the calming stream of the waterfall lies a peace that is always pleasing to the ears, eyes, and ultimately, the soul. It’s invigorating.

A human being may see a leaf as it is – just another organism that is part of an orchestra that plays to the tune of the universe.

A believer in Allah sees a leaf as a sign of His Greatness – how He has perfectly designed its shape and size. It brought me to an insight which every believer should be aware of – Everything is measured. The universe has been created in perfect measurement, and everything happens for a reason. Everything is in order.

The deeper meanings of life, a treasure only the believer in Allah ‘Azza Wa Jal will truly cherish once He has found the true connection with Him alone – according to what He has prescribed for us.

Keep wandering, and keep wondering..

Watching a movie.

Sometimes you watch a movie and you could relate well to the character. Lately I found a piece of me that went missing for quite a while in a movie about one man’s will and desire to fight against the regime of his country. The actor played his part well in delivering the scripts given to him. It is with his acting and how he carries himself outside his professional career that made me realise how movies are just like books – they tell stories, too, but in a visualised manner. Perhaps that was my great mistake in pushing away movies; for years I detested movies because of how they waste our time and life, but as I learn more about storytelling and the impact it has on an individual, it’s given me a great perspective, a fresh outlook on movies.

There are movies that, although I had only a glimpse of them back when I was still a child, somehow they decided to stay at the back of my mind until today. Little did I know that these movies have been trying to tell me something – The Terminal and The Truman Show. I’m at an age now where I can finally, with the independent mind understand what the directors were trying to tell us of the core message of life. But everyone has its own interpretations of the movies they watch. I remember at one point in my life, after waking up to reality, I asked myself, “surely there must be a way to watch a movie. I don’t want to waste my time putting my mind to sleep.”

And thus began the critical thinking in choosing movies, and that’s how the two movies mentioned above came popping up again in my mind, by His Permission. I’m still picky when it comes to watching movies now. Most of what the mainstream media offer these days I will try to push them aside first. I won’t follow the flow, and I won’t be led away by the positive reviews people give to a movie. That’s their review, not mine. I don’t want to be influenced by what others think of a certain matter. Allah gave me a mind to think for myself, and that, to me, is a great abundance we have given away in this day and age.

I still love indie movies. But for now, I’m going to, perhaps, have a run on Tom Hanks’ acting and re-watch some of his masterpiece. I could truly relate to The Terminal and the metaphors it used in the movie. It left me wondering and wandering…

 

What movie would you recommend me next?

Death is the end of choice

I am reminded tonight of how short life is. To see a man lying motionless, blood around his face made me realise now how we shouldn’t get ourselves into petty arguments which lead to nowhere, or pursuits in life that don’t add meaning and quality in our lives.

 

May Allah forgive us all and remind me and you to always be remembering Him alone, and prepare the answers for the questions that’ll be asked, and I pray we won’t need to be questioned on the Day of Judgment and be granted Jannahtul Firdaus without hisab. Aameen.

Well, it’s been a while. I’m here because my heart suddenly yearns to write. It’s that moment in time again where, I must admit and tell myself that I must be brave enough to chase my dreams. The fear to live is killing me, and I have to remove the barriers in my mind, the illusional lines that’s preventing me from moving forward.

Perhaps one day I will look back and tell myself how stupid I was to stop and stop and stop the things that I love to do for fear of not being able to sustain myself. Actually, it’s today. Language. The thing that I love so much but I’m scared to pursue. Poetry. The language of the heart, or so to say. Never settle for less.

I’m past all the things about love. I’m on neutral. I have reached a level in life where I’m able to see how stupid of me to chase people for love – that is, to me, a great crime for anyone to commit. These people that I chased; I’m thankful they’re not a part of my life. I couldn’t care less of their whereabouts and what they are doing right now. And I hope I never will and never have to.

For once, be brave enough to chase your dreams.

I’ll write to you soon of my life’s activities. To hold this name again; I don’t know. I need a better lens to see the world.

 

Till then.

Farewell

Someday, we all have to go. So here are my final words, on a name I’ve hid behind throughout my time growing into adulthood. theyellowglass ends here. It’s been a thorough journey in search of meaning, of who I am and what my purpose is on Earth.

Life begins again, if Allah Wills.

 

Till then, I’m contactable through my email @ mohamadhazrulfitri@gmail.com

Thank you to all who have faithfully stayed throughout these years of wonderful companionship, of writing and dreams. Thank you all for reading my words, although I’ve always felt they can always be better.

These last words I say to you,

in hopes you’ll stay true

to a life constantly craving

for new.

 

Farewell.