Eid Mubarak to everyone. may Allah accept it from me and you. I regret now, the fact that I had intended to write a 30 days reminder here, but I changed my mind and wrote the first three remiders of Ramadan and left the last 3 days empty. I am learning that writing down thoughts is important for one’s reflection on life, the need to understand our purpose, our existence. It’s nearing the 3rd day of Syawal now. Syawal is okay.
There are things that bother me, and while everybody’s asleep, except for my younger sissy who’s still awake at this timing socializing online, I can’t help but to let out my frustrations here, how words hurt a soul and it can spoil your mood for the rest of your life. God forbid for the rest of my life, but it lingers on to become a lesson, and I’ve been trying to solve this quandary.
We have to acknowledge the fact that we are not our parents. While we may grow up emulating their traits, behaviors, I personally believe we have the power to choose how we’d want to behave. If you have elders who are harsh to you especially through words, take it as a lesson in practise, a practise in patience. Understand why they use words that are inappropriate to you, understand why it hurts you, understand their backstory, and how it ends them up becoming enraged even on the little things that are trivial in nature. Words matter.
People have used words on me that degrade me, they put down on me, and as a result scarred my self confidence. It hurts. People have taken advantage of me in the past, but too much of stepping on the head has made me realized why am I so powerless when it comes to things like this? But I begin to try and rationalize their actions upon me and I took the great initiative to learn these behaviors. It’s unhealthy. There are a lot of things that hurt us. Being emotionally hurt is worse than being physically hurt. Because physical hurt happens once in a while, but emotional hurt? Almost everytime if you don’t know how to take care of your mind, your soul, your heart.
But there is wisdom in the hurt. Because of this, I gained a strong interest in the field of psychology. And hopefully one day I get to become one, owning an office to my own and have my clients express their life’s struggles to me. I love to listen more than I speak. I try my best to observe silence at all times. I like to learn from their stories so that I may reflect on my own life.
Perhaps this is just a normal rambling. I haven’t written in ages. I’m seeing patterns wherever I go. I’m observing the world around me, but at the same time I’m observing my thoughts too. I cannot let every thought shape the way I see the world. We have to learn how to filter our thoughts just as we filter the things we see online and everywhere in life.
What has my story been like. I don’t know. I am writing, I am writing…