As I’m looking at life in retrospect, all I can see is a young man who lost his way in searching for the truth. He was fervent in seeking for clarity, questioning the status quo, dismantling his false beliefs, beliefs he had held on for so long.
But as I’m learning that, to grow out of your comfort zone needn’t be physical; it starts from the mind anyway right? I then realize that I didn’t have to go through the moments of waiting for someone to come back into my life. Childish, now that I think of it. Why not grow out from this comfort zone? This zone of waiting for someone..why not step out from this imaginary circle and just…move on?
There are many more important things in life I need to accomplish anyway, and the most important of them is to enter Jannahtul Firdaus without accountability. I hope Allah grants us all this special request. Aameen. This is it then, knowing my life has been wasted on trivial pursuits, and I ask Allah to forgive me for this. Certainly in this episode of my life it is clear how weak my faith is, how I’m not putting the trust in Allah as I should to, but that’s only because you don’t have the correct knowledge in understanding how to trust Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. When has it been that chasing someone was my life’s purpose? I’m always reminded by this whenever I speak to ustadh Hafiizh about relationships. He’s 36 and still single, but his words always lifts up my worries and anxiety.
“Kan perempuan lain ada…” paraphrasing his words.
And that’s true. Sometimes we don’t realize that the person in front us might have been waiting for us, but we choose to wait for the one that’s unreachable. I don’t want to make it my life purpose to seek a soul that will be my reflection until Akhira. Although I know it is a means to get closer to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala, but there are important things I need to rectify. Like my belief system, my ‘Aqidah. That is more important than anything else in this world.
And Paradise is not cheap.
Whenever I think of life after death – the Sirat, the waiting – Allahul Musta’an! The waiting! The trials of the grave….
May Allah forgive us all. Knowing that what I write will be asked, and I hope my writing has benefited the readers in any way possible. I ask Allah to forgive all our ignorance and mistakes done knowingly and unknowingly.
Let’s continue to seek knowledge to seek closeness to Allah. May Allah rectify our affairs for us and may He rectify our intention to seek His Pleasure alone. Aameen.