Day 3

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اذْكُرُوا اللَّهَ ذِكْرًا كَثِيرًا

O you who believe! Remember Allah with much remembrance. {Surah Ahzab: 41}

As I try to form habits of barakah, the need to live a productive life seems to get a little more clearer when I am made aware of just how important it is to remember Allah so much in the morning so that your day may be handled with more steadiness, like paddling your way forward just so to get balanced while riding your bicycle. I come to notice how things that are halal in essence, but of no benefit to you can lead you to idleness, and then to boredom and then unfortunately, to sin. We seek Allah’s refuge from being oblivious of our actions.


Ya Rabb, make us aware of ourselves and lead us to a servitude that You alone may be plased with, and forgive us for our shortcomings that are apparent and hidden. Aameen.

Day 2

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Allah said, ‘I am to my slave as he thinks of Me, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him). (See Hadith No. 502)

If there are still excessive baggages that are weighing you down, let it go and for once, trust in Allah’s plans for you. Easier said than done right? I know.

But know one thing, that He gave you a trial or decreed for you to face an event that is not pleasant to you so that He may see how well you can cope with it. He wants to see how you react to it, and how you use that incident to get closer to Him. Basically, He wants to test your eeman. What value is a student when he/she is not tested of his/her intelligence? 

That is the function of a test, to see if we pass or fail. But, He doesn’t burden us beyond what we can bear. So He tests us according to our level of faith. 

Let Ramadan be a school for you to practise thinking good of Allah. Know that He has given you a life, a heart that beats until the time is up. and that is a big blessing in and of itself. 

Like the common words that echo through our lives: Count your blessings, not your problems. 

Allah doesn’t owe us anything. We owe Him everything He has given us. Shouldn’t that push us towards gratitude? Shouldn’t that make us feel humble and ashamed that we are powerless, and that we are in need of Him every second of our lives?

O Allah, strengthen our conviction in You alone. Help us as we are always in need of Your Love and Mercy.

Reference for Hadith
  

Day 1

It was narrated from Anas that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

“Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.’”

Grade: Hasan (Darussalam) 

If you’re feeling distant from Allah, this is the best time to come back and return to the straight path. I have learnt that life, like Ramadan, is short. So make the most of it to get closer to Allah Azza Wa Jal. 

There are a lot of things I can pick up today of the lessons I’m learning, but perhaps what we need to acknowledge first is that our relationship wih Allah isn’t perfect and that we always have a chance and a choice to return to the Straight Path. 

30 days to rediscover yourself, 30 days to change your life, perhaps, forever.

We begin with the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful. 

*Source of reference: https://sunnah.com/urn/1293540

Wednesday, May 24th 2017

It’s raining, and I am writing again. One of the freedoms I am grateful for is having the time to write in solitude, away from the noise that surrounds me each and every second of my life. Noise. It’s everywhere. I could barely breathe when I made my way through the aisles at Decathlon, children shouting endlessly, overjoyed by the free space provided to try out the necessary sports equipment they might purchase. There was play in action but I couldn’t handle the noise. It went above my threshold. So I was suffocating, oddly to say.

Yesterday. I had a moment of silence. In the car, alone with my thoughts. It was blissful, because I was alone. It was also the time for me to pen down my thoughts on paper – finally. I had been trying to escape from my environment.  So that was a good time for me to write down what’s been causing me to…suffocate. I can hardly breathe these days – mentally, emotionally, physically. But faith in Allah is always there. My soul was telling me to get out from the noise. I don’t know how people can endure a day of noise – from the tv, the radio, the music, the chatter. I dread all of these.  I really do. Give me some space. We all need space, don’t we? To think things through, to reflect and contemplate on life. Some people have the privilege to have their moments of silence to themselves most of the time. I don’t. No matter where I try to hide, there will always be noise.

Or maybe, I just want to be alone in an empty room, with all the noise filtered out. Masajid are an exception of course. It does provide me with the space I need. But, I need a home to live.

Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t have a home to belong. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel secure at this sojourn to be as open as I would like to be. Maybe it’s the freedom of movement that I so badly need that’s causing me such mental distress. I have never felt so perturbed, and I just need to get out and find relief.

I am writing again. I am thankful for that. At 24, the fears are still here. I am slowly learning to get rid of them, one by one. I cannot unstitch a patch of my life when it took me almost a lifetime to sow it. Back then, it was all black and white. I am slowly adding colours to my life. Black is dull. White is dull. I love blue though, it keeps me calm.

The emancipation of the mind from mental slavery. Words like these seem gold, for what I know is that along the lines of these words come from revolutionaries who chose to live life by their own definitions, away from what the society and the government impose on them. They chose how they wanted to live, and they lived it.

Revolution. Freedom. Writing.

Writing. It gives me the freedom that I need. It gives me the pleasure, the joy and structure my mind needs in order to withhold the heart into its shape and form.

We are all finding our way to Allah. I am finding mine through writing. It will always be so. He has given me this gift, and I am thankful for it.

It’s still raining.

I will go for a run, maybe.

Or I will go for a run…to Mcdonald’s. Maybe.

I will write some more, If Allah wills.

 

2013.  

Days like this make me remember how I was like back in 2013, being critical, extremely critical of the world around me. I was criticising the education system for failing to educate me. I was questioning the world around me; I felt like I was at the apex of my life where, I thought I was thinking logically and rationally. I was 20. Rebellious? Defiant? Arrogant? I could say I fell into all three categories. But, perhaps the defiance cost me, and boy was it expensive. A blessing in disguise, as this brought about another education for me on and in life. I now know how much I do not know of this life, and the delusions that’s harping on me all these years are finally going away. Today I am finally thinking again. My reasoning is sound, and I know it still needs improvement, but I can say I am thinking again.

Remembering a past does not mean there would be a repeat telecast of what one went through. That’s one of the biggest flaws in my way of thinking things through. As I grow day to day, I realize that the biggest enemy I have to face is well, of course Satan and secondly a faulty mindset to operate with and see the world. I have to admit, the accumulation of bad thinking habits throughout my life has cost me, and the most painful part in this accumulation was the fact that I was oblivious to this truth. The cut was extremely deep. Time heals all pain.

The truth is, nobody knows the future, nobody knows the unseen. Stop fantasizing of a past that will never come back. It may make you feel good, but snap out of it. The past is not the present.

As we grow older, etch this in your mind and heart – people change. We may grow more beautiful outwardly, but also remember that people’s inner realities change too because of the experiences they went through. Don’t expect the same from a person. We all change. Face this reality and you’ll be more at ease in dealing with life.

2013, and I cannot emulate my past anymore. I am 24, and it’s time to move on. Life waits for nobody.

Today is all I have.

Mengapa

Mengapa engkau harus meletakkan harapanmu kepada yang tiada kuasa untuk mengubah alam semesta?

 Kukuh. 

Kukuhkanlah imanmu setiap hari setiap masa.

 Kukuhkanlah bahasa. 

Kukuhkanlah dirimu!

Bismillah.

By when?

I’ve lived my life knowing that I will die but I live as though there’s still tomorrow to chance upon a new you. So who’s to blame for all the wrongs that you’ve done?

An old poem I found in my drafts.

Sometimes
I wish people would know,
that the random laughters are my way
of releasing sadness
that the random thoughts
are my gateway to happiness.

Sometimes
I wish
that people would know
the other side of me –

the side that is ever pristine
because
it hasn’t been touched
by anybody

that no one has ever explored and
traversed –
the path to a world full of
green and blue

Nature

A world of science and possibilities
one that dwells in fantasies and realities
the colours that I’m bringing back here
are the colours of youth I never used
to paint the future – now, and here I am
coming back to these pages
to find myself again.

I hope I am given a chance again,
to live a life in sane.

a life to paint

Labouring love in this life

It’s been a year since I last posted about Labour day. My heart nudged me to reopen this blog; actually make my social media public and just be myself again and do what I love doing: writing. So I today I decided to open my life to the world around me, no more creeping into the darkness of life. I know now where happiness lies, and I have acknowledged it. But as always, life is a struggle.

I find life more meaningful when I understand it from God’s perspective. I remember listening to a lecture about dealing with the struggles of life and at one point in the lecture the sheikh spoke words that breeze through my ears and those words settled gently into my heart.

Who would have thought, that the ease we are going through, is also a trial? That woke me up. It’s one of those moments where I felt, “Wow, I never thought of that.” Puzzled, amazed, dumbfounded?

I love listening to the Qur’an. I have come to a point in my life where I cannot care of what others think of me anymore. The Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) makes me happy.

I find solace in trying to follow Islam to the best of my abilities. I have learnt, that being a good muslim is hard labour, and today I remind myself to live a life according to what He wants of His slaves. Back then it was a mess, and I ask Allah to forgive me for my shortcomings in the past and present.

I don’t want to live my past anymore. A life of change towards Him and for the sake of Him alone is always worth it. But slow and steady always wins the race. How manyn times have I tried to sprint forward, only to find myself tired and exhausted, and as a result living a rigid lifestyle?

Istiqomah.

Towards steadfastness in writing reminders for myself and the people who read them.

Aameen.